I'm Asian and I could pass for Japanese if I really wanted to try at it. Also, my wife is Japanese so it isn't a hard leap for anyone in Japan to make when they see us together. This was more of a disadvantage to me than I had realized since Japanese are far more willing to make allowances in social lapses for obvious foreigners than say, a socially awkward Japanese. I find that instead of trying so hard to blend in, it might be easier to simply embrace standing out. So instead of a "konnichiwa", I start out with a confident "Hi!" in a cheery American tone (we all know that one) and proceed in broken Japanese. Even better when they hear me speaking unaccented English with my wife. That way, they know that I'm a clueless tourist and not a socially inept local.

I knew of a couple that went to Japan where the gaijin (her white husband) spoke more Japanese than she did (100% Japanese Canadian). It apparently confused quite a number of people, because they all expect her to start speaking Japanese.

I've experienced the opposite -- if I go to Europe, I look like everyone else, and the most likely outcome when they discover that I don't speak their language is irritation.

Whenever I go to Asia, I'm treated like a novelty if I speak even a few words.

The way I feel it works is, if their perception is that you are not one of them you basically get extra credit for that, but if they don't see you that way, then you basically get your points deducted for each of "mistakes" you make.

This really hurts me sometimes, because I know this and put so much effort try to fit in, but I basically get no praise for that, instead, I get nitpicked for noncompliances.

In a case of some individuals like hotel clerks, that I actually spent some time talking, seeing multiple times a day, they totally understand my situation and didn't give me hard time. (And it was tiny hotel, that didn't really caters to foreigner, so it not that the they were used to it -- funny side story is a few year after that -- perhaps when their son took over the business, they've completely changed to cater to foreigners instead :-) )

Yep. And this has a downside -- expats in Asia tend to complain about "never fitting in" -- but it comes with a bonus dose of forgiveness for all sorts of social problems that the locals have to worry about.

But it's also true that people in the service industry are gruff no matter where you go. It's hard to be pre-school-polite to hundreds of illiterate adults a day.

That's a big generalisation for all of Europe. I look British, if people are really paying attention, or Northern Europe / Germany / etc if not. I'm obviously not local in Southern or Eastern Europe.

I am half-Japanese. I feel your pain of the "worst of both status." nihonjin I am not, in their eyes.