I know a couple of different guys who both are raising 1-2 happy kids and manage to find some coding time nevertheless (as well as exercising). It depends on the amount of passion for the craft.
I'm one of those people that find time to code while parenting 2 young children. And yes, any time spent coding before the kids' bedtime comes with the unwelcome twinge of guilt saying "I should be playing with the kids," and therefore infrequently occurs.
The "amount of passion for the craft" sounds like a noble endeavor, but what it _really_ means is "willingness to sacrifice sleep, friends, other hobbies, and/or time with your family".
I LOVE writing code. I'd be doing it even if I wasn't getting paid. I'm sure I'll be hacking interactive art piece for my grandkids when I'm retired. But if you stand back and look at it objectively, me writing a new JS framework or embedded system library, even if they are incredible, pales in comparison to actually spending time with the ones you love. In other words, if your passion for the craft truly exceeds your passion for your family, you've clearly made some poor decisions in life.
Indeed! Time with my daughter is way more valuable to me as a human being than almost anything else. If there was a way to be paid to spend time with her I'd take it in a heart beat. She is way more fun than a computer.
That being said I do feel better about myself when I am the most proud of my work.
I just don't see the reason why it has to dominate my life. My work is important but it shouldn't be taking so much time from my life that I develop health and mental problems from it. And my family shouldn't suffer my absence simply because I want to be great at what I do.
I like other things too. Literature. Poetry. Theater. The reasons why we live. It's hard to enjoy those things when all you can think about is your work.
My ideal workplace is one that embraces the creative flow of energy. Sometimes I'm all about putting my nose to the grindstone and building something. Other times I go through periods of reflection and personal development and learn from what I have built.
"The "amount of passion for the craft" sounds like a noble endeavor, but what it _really_ means is "willingness to sacrifice sleep, friends, other hobbies, and/or time with your family"." - that is true, but you equally interpreted to make it sound bad. Time spent with family means sacrificing time spent with friends or time spent on "other hobbies" (unless of course you have some sort of alliance of
people who all share same hobbies and hang out together with whole families).
"In other words, if your passion for the craft truly exceeds your passion for your family, you've clearly made some poor decisions in life." - I guess Nikola Tesla made a poor life decision?
Tesla never married, claiming that his chastity was very helpful to his scientific abilities.[9]:33 However, toward the end of his life, he told a reporter, "Sometimes I feel that by not marrying, I made too great a sacrifice to my work ..."
And even though that so perfectly answers your question, it doesn't address my real point, which is that you made poor life decisions if you chose to have a family and value your work more than them. Tesla never had a family and therefore doesn't fit the context of my statement.
Not losing any sleep due to the lost hobby hours due to kids. Guilt for working, watching football or playing video games instead of watching my girls put on a dancing/singing show in the front yard?... massive.
The Tesla comment is a trap. Many, many people have chosen their work over kids, and some of those people created wonderfully awesome things. But you're not Tesla, and if Tesla had kids (no idea if he did) I'm sure they were probably missing Dad a bit if he devoted his entire life to his work (again no idea if he did, just using the example provided)
Honestly, some people don't see their kids as their #1 priority, just another priority in a long list and that's okay. I don't see this as wrong, but it's not the path I wish for my life or my children. It's also worth noting that for some it's not a choice, we're all discussing here today a problem for the (more than) adequately employed middle class.
Anyone can "manage to find the time", however that time is subtracted from one of your other daily activities. For some it's sleep, for others it's time with their kids or family. I'm not saying it's impossible, just wanted to point out that kids (for me) removed that self-hate about not coding more and suck up all extra time (because they are the single most important thing to me in life - easy choice).
Exercising is another topic my wife and I discuss. We both want to, but the thought of losing sleep, work or time with the kids doesn't seem worth it. We'll figure it out, but were certainly not obsessing over our productivity or the perception of, as much as the author does.
Some things aren't tradeoffs. We hiked well over 10 miles per month on various nature trails last year as a family. Weather this spring and summer was miserable but we still racked up considerable mileage this year.
I runkeeper and by looking at mile times its pretty obvious when the kids are along vs my higher speed lunch hour exercise. With kids equals mile times around 30 minutes. Well, whatever. It might not be good exercise, but its better than watching TV on the couch.
Speaking of lunch hour exercise... that's another non-tradeoff tradeoff.
You're right, exercising is something you can do with the whole family once your kids are old enough (mine are almost there). Unfortunately "hiking" to my girls (both under 10) just seems like a long boring walk (that's a half-joke).
Recreational coding or geeking-it-up is a bit tougher. Sure my girls are interested in these/my hobbies, but incorporating them is less about the hobby and more about exposing them to something new. Takes much time and creativity to make a situation where they are entertained and you can also be "productive" with your hobby.
